Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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