i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
