She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
