I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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