Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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