chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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