Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
