He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just blew my weed a kiss
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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