im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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