Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
wat bout pragnant strippers??
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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