You're a womanizer and a bitch.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
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