question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
