The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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