I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
