I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
