I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
