there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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