pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
