I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
