woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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