We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
