either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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