are you still at the devil's house?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
