it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
