is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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