I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
