You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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