i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
be right there i have to get my cape
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
