New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
