Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
