Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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