Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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