I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
