I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
