I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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