no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
