I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
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I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
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I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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