I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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