Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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