I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
