Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize