You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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