It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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