I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
