then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
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She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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