Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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