Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
