the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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