i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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