my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Randomize
