I accidentally burped into my bong.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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