just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
