I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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