my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
