apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
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He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
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I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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