I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
