VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
