Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
How's work?
Spinning.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
