that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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