It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My ass is underappreciated
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
