yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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