there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
