i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
